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Because sometimes my attention span just isn't up to writing long blog posts...

Bits and Bytes of the Postmodern Sexgeek AKA Marie

Life is short, boo, get to livin' or get to steppin'.

Wow, I haven't posted since September of 2010. That's wild! I'm sure lots of people think that the Postmodern Sexgeek is done. Over. Finished. Finita la commedia and all that rot.

Yeah, not so fast. I'll admit I've gotten out of the habit of blogging. Life being what it is, I threw myself into the melee after the dissolution of my marriage and have been stumbling around trying to figure out this thing called life on my own. I've been somewhat successful in some areas and not so successful in others but as always, I continue to learn and I continue to change and grow. The day that stops happening, you might as well call Dr. Kevorkian because I've obviously given up on life.

I'm still doing the HIV prevention gig though I suspect I am not long for that world. The economy has not exactly been kind to public health endeavors and if I don't jump ship soon, it might just sink with me on it and no one likes that. I have no idea what I'll do next though. I'm seriously considering going back to school to earn my Masters degree in Applied Anthropology but that really depends a lot on funding and right now, baby, funding is something I do not haz.

I've started dating again and um...yeah. That's an occasionally unpleasant experience though there have been a few bright spots. There's also been some unintentional comedy but I'll have to address that some other time because it really is it's own separate blog.

Also on the list for a whole separate post are my ruminations on nonmonogamous/open/polyamorous relationships and dating. For now let's just say that "it's complicated" in both lovely and frustrating ways. The person I ended up dating in that fashion is wonderful in many ways but is also occasionally infuriating and too cocky for his own good (or for his age).

And yes, gentle reader, yours truly has discovered that she appears to have become, completely unintentionally, that urban legend known as a cougar. I didn't exactly set out to do so but I am finding that men my age are not terribly interested in me. Now before you roll your eyes at me, let me just say that I am down for dating men my age. The maturity gap to be found between a woman in her 40s and anyone in their 20s is pretty significant and occasionally make one want to tear out her hair. I suppose that's another blog post, innit?

Perhaps one of the things I am proudest of right now is my return to martial arts. In February I began training in Krav Maga, which is an Israeli style. It is brutal, no nonsense and effective and I currently feel far more able to defend myself than I did before I began not to mention the fact that I've managed to lose some weight while doing it. I also gained an incredibly awesome sparring partner who for now shall simply be called the Sparring Partner of Doom, or SPoD for short. She's much more protective of her online ID than I am so I will not be naming her but I will say this. She's very cool and exceedingly hot. Sorry sports fans, she's also taken so no, you cannot meet her.

I've been kicking around the idea of starting the podcast up again though I have no clue what to talk about or if anyone would even care. Then again, I think I said that when I first started it and it seemed to do ok so...who knows.

So yes, folks, I am still out here. I am still alive and I am still striving to refine this creation that is me. What the future holds in store for me, I do not know but I suspect it won't be boring.  I wonder which of you might be coming on the journey with me. ;-)

I must absolutely add that the title of this post was originally stated by my dear friend, Russ Matthews. Not only is he good at pithy commentary on my personal life, he is also a struggling photographer in the Kansas City area. Check out his site and pass it on.

Culinary Therapy

What's a lady to do when she's singing the blues? Some drink, some actually do sing others may go see their therapists. Me? This mujer goes to the store, buys tasty ingredients and cooks.

There is something incredibly soothing about the various steps that go into preparing a meal. I find a certain zen meditative state when I'm chopping vegetables, preparing my pots and pans, activities that I have performed countless times that feel as comfortable and familiar as my own skin. At the same time it's also a very sensual experience. Each step in the process invokes my senses: the myriad shades of green and cream on the inside of a brussels sprout, the scent of shallots frying in butter, the sizzle of the fish as I slide it into the pan. And we cannot forget the reward of the taste of food freshly prepared by one's own hands. I cannot draw, paint or even take an inspired photograph but I can create delicious works of art with my hands that fill the palate with layers of flavors like the paint on a canvas.

So what was on my menu tonight? Tilapia in a white wine/lemon/butter sauce and roasted balsamic brussels sprouts. For dessert I cheated and bought a mini apple pie from Whole Foods. And oh yes, dear reader, it was all quite sabroso.

I will take my kitchen over Freud any day.

Yes, I am still alive.

Wow, has it really been 8 months since my last post? I hadn't really forgotten about this blog, not completely. I think I just felt like perhaps the Postmodern Sexgeek had reached the end of her tenure online. Now I'm not saying I am no longer a sexgeek, Heaven forfend! That's a lifelong thing and one I will never give up. Rather, I felt as if I had reached the end of my public persona.

When my marriage ended a lot things changed for me and I started questioning everything about my life and work. Was it real? Was it authentic? Did I even know what the fuck I was talking about? The blog fell silent though I myself did not. Any of you who follow me on Twitter can attest to that. At this point I am not entirely certain what the future of this blog holds but I do know that I continue to live and I continue to have opinions, thoughts and feelings about everything in my life both near and distant.

Perhaps I will continue to blog here. I have ideas, topics that I mull over in my head constantly though it isn't often that I commit them to words on a screen or if I do it's in my personal space where very few have access to them. We shall see.

I'm not sure how many of you are actually still around or are still reading but if you are, thank you. And even if there's no one out there at this time, I'll continue to write because honestly, it's good for me and I've been out of the habit for far too long.

Trust Women: Blog for Choice 2010

Trust women. Two simple words and yet there is a world of meaning in them. What exactly does it mean? I suspect that everyone will have a different idea. When I see that phrase one of the first things I think about is how we women are often raised to mistrust each other. Some of us taught that every woman is competition for scarce resources, usually men, and therefore we should never place our trust in each other. I was lucky in that I didn't learn this lesson growing up. Instead I learned that women were the ones I could trust to be there for me, nurture me, love me. Trust women.

Narrowing my scope a bit, the phrase has another meaning as well. A meaning that is part of what today is all about. Choice. Trusting women to make choices about our bodies, our health, our lives. Our right to have self determination, agency. Our right to decide for ourselves what to do not only with our reproduction but our entire bodies. Choice does not just mean that I get to choose whether to continue a pregnancy. It means that I also have the right to choose whether I get pregnant at all. It means that I can choose what sorts of medical procedures will be done to my body and why. It means that I get to choose what my body looks like and how I want to make it look that way, regardless of whether others approve or disapprove. It means I choose who has access to my body or that I can choose to allow no one access to it. Bodily determination is not something we should have to limit to our genitals or reproductive organs.

Trust women. Let's not forget the importance of defining the word "women". Too often those of us who lay claim to the title feminist or womanist forget that not every woman is like us. Not every woman is cisexual, cisgender, heterosexual, lesbian, white, brown, black, middle class, wealthy, poor, degreed, living in the US. Not every woman has access to the internet, to safe living conditions, to health care. When we say trust women we must mean it in our soul. Every woman, no matter how different she is from us, must matter and must be trusted. If we, the "pro-woman" individuals, cannot say this and mean it down to our souls, if we cannot encompass the variety and richness of what being a woman is, then how can we expect anyone else to? How can we claim to fight for women's right to choose when we do not include every woman in that very word? It's simple. We cannot. We must fight through the various intersections of privilege we all have to see to it that when we say things like "trust women" or "right to choose" that none of our sisters is excluded, ignored, abandoned, neglected. If we can lift up and support the most marginalized of our hermanas then our ability to lift up the most privileged of them will follow as well. This should be our ultimate goal

Trust women. It is possible. It is necessary. And we must begin to make it truth.

I'll have 3 Wrath, 4 Gluttony and 10 Lusts please! Oh and a Pride and Sloth on the side also.

According to New Orleans Magazine, today marks the official beginning of the Mardi Gras Season. Now unfortunately, I will once again NOT be attending Mardi Gras but in the spirit of the season I suppose I should get down to the sinning since it's no fun if you can't confess anything on Ash Wednesday right? A girl needs to earn her ashes and all that rot so I better get serious about it. I just need to decide which of the 7 Deadlies I am going to indulge in this happy season. I know I have wrath covered because...well, just because. Gluttony will be covered if I succeed in my plan to master at least one version of Mole. Sloth is an easy one to cover on weekends assuming I get a chance to do so since lately I've ended up with all kinds of engagements. Pride? Oh yeah, I've got that one down pat. As for lust...well, I've got that but i don't know if it counts if you're not actually, yanno, doing anything about it so we shall see on that one. Unless lusting for shoes..no, that would be Envy I think. At any rate, yes, I need to make with the sinning. You'll understand of course if I end up a little busy these next few weeks, yes? ;-)

Happy Holidays for Whom?

Holidays « gudbuytjane

Dismantling oppression requires acknowledgment of privilege, which is a difficult thing to do. We’re trained to evade it and to feel emotions such as anger and defensiveness when presented with it, because to acknowledge our privileges as individuals acknowledges the system from which that privilege arises. Still, if we are truly invested in change and seeking progressive alternatives to the way things are, we must be willing to engage that discomfort.

Acknowledge your privilege this holiday season. Not “in the spirit of the season” – that phrase is couched in the hypocrisy of the public moralizing of an oppressor culture – but against the notion of a culture that abandons those who most need love and acceptance while promoting empty images of family and community. Acknowledge that, as you sit down to dinner with your family or loved ones, there are those who are not welcome to do the same with their families, and that a disproportionate number of those people are transgender or transsexual.

Despite any kvetching on my part about mi familia, at least I am lucky enough to have a family that loves and accepts me as well as my cis gay sister, uncles and cousins. Not everyone is so lucky.

Peace on Earth, Goodwill to Humanity. No exceptions. No qualifications.

We need to stick a warning label on me after this one...

Did you hear the one about the white nationalist network traveling to Washington D.C. to participate in a Congressional hearing?

No really. I'm not joking. Our congressional "leaders" are seeking advice on immigration reform from people with known ties to white nationalist organizations and holocaust denialists. If anyone here has ever wondered why I get kinda pissed off when people blithely discuss immigration reform and quote bullshit from groups like this...here's your 411. Many of those at the forefront of the push for reform and tighter laws are a bunch of racist douchebags with ulterior motives, i.e., a USA that is "free' of the taint of non-white Western Euro people.

This is not acceptable and I would hope it is obvious why. As I pointed out to a friend online, having these assholes testify for immigration reform is like having Polanski testify for the reform of sexual assault laws. Not. OK.

For the Kinksters Out There...

Fetlife is having a "Sit on Kinky Santa's Lap" Contest. Enjoy!

Gee, imagine that...

Caster Semenya found "innocent" of any wrong" to retain 800M Gold Medal

The fact that this young woman's privacy was so blatantly violated makes me angry but I am glad it was not compounded by the further injustice of having her medal stripped from her and her accomplishments dismissed. I can only imagine the kind of abuse she might have been/has been subject to by those who see her as "not a real woman". There are a 150+ people who would testify to what that's like, were they still alive. It also revealed just how rudimentary and incorrect our society's knowledge of sex and gender really are.

In case you hadn't heard...

Lou Dobbs has been fired from CNN.  He is now embarking on a whinging campaign that should probably find him a nice spot on Faux News. Bye bye Lou.  We won't miss you one bit.

SPLCenter.org: Statement by SPLC President Richard Cohen on the Departure of Lou Dobbs from CNN

Statement by SPLC President Richard Cohen on the Departure of Lou Dobbs from CNN
Richard Cohen




Earlier this year, we called upon CNN to remove Lou Dobbs from the air for trading in falsehoods and racist conspiracy theories. Tonight we are glad that Dobbs has announced his departure from his influential position at CNN.

In his announcement, Dobbs complained that the public debate over important issues is now defined by "partisanship and ideology rather than rigorous empirical thought and forthright analysis and discussion."

The truth is, Dobbs has done as much as anyone to poison the immigration debate by repeatedly reporting false information about immigrants. The most outrageous statement was his claim that immigrants were responsible for bringing thousands of new cases of leprosy to the United States during a recent three-year period. He also lent legitimacy to conspiracy theories, such as the claim that undocumented immigrants are part of a plot to reconquer the American Southwest. Most recently, he gave credence to the utterly baseless idea that President Obama is not a native-born American citizen.

Dobbs was certainly capable of fine journalism. But, as his ratings grew, he became a prisoner of the independent image he tried to cultivate, someone seemingly incapable of admitting a mistake. CNN should have asked him to resign long ago.

J. Richard Cohen
President

To grieving endings and celebrating new beginnings

8 years ago tonight was the eve of a significant event in my life. 8 years later that event has come to naught and so a part of me grieves it however, I also realize that this is the beginning of something else, a new chapter in my book of life. I really and truly don't have much of a clue what is going to come next but I intend to meet whatever it is with an open and brave heart. I know that there will be missteps along the way. I will fall down and be hurt sometimes but that is part and parcel of the whole experience. The pain is as significant as the joy, or so I have always found. You will forgive me if I am somewhat moody the next couple of days. I am still grieving for the dreams and ideals I gave up even as I search for the new. So,I raise a glass for myself and to you reading this. Here's to the endings that bring us new beginnings...

Health care reform: Destined to fail women?

Where's the Birth Control? | RHRealityCheck.org

Yet, before we resign ourselves to a very imperfect health reform bill, it's worth reminding lawmakers that women's health extends far beyond abortion. And while those who make our laws may fear the consequences of taking a stand for basic services for this half of the population, the cost of not doing it, both in terms of health and politics, is sure to be far greater.

Emphasis is mine and it's one that needs to be stated over and over because there are a lot of clueless jerks out there who cannot get their heads around the fact that women are more than just reproductive organs. In fact, some of us don't even HAVE reproductive organs. Some of us are trans, some of us are intersex, some of us have simply chosen not to reproduce at all or are unable to. I know, I know, I may be breaking your brain here but seriously, the way they use the bodies of cis women like political footballs is shameful and somehow I doubt that they have even considered trans women in all this quibbling, again, shameful. If they had, you can bet that they'd still be made of fail.

Found via Twitter...

This is an entry from Daily Kos that someone on my Twitter feed posted today and I am glad she did. Too often sexual assaults is presented as a woman's problem. So much of what is out there about rape prevention is aimed at women and is defensive. It's all about us watching our backs, not going certain places alone, how to get away from an attacker, etc. There are too few programs/interventions aimed at the majority of those committing the sexual assaults: men. If we're going to change the stats regarding sexual assaults committed against women then something needs to change because what we're doing now isn't working.

For the record, the actual entry itself is potentially triggering, so be careful.


Daily Kos: On Rape and Men (Brace Yourself)

I am a male. I am a feminist. This diary is for 1) fellow feminists and 2) anyone who underestimates how pervasive the patriarchal sense of entitlement to a woman's body is in our culture. What does that mean? It means it's for everybody: honestly, I think you're one or the other. Black and white? Probably.

...

If you're a man reading this, this is what you have to do: you have to make your male friends uncomfortable. You have to bring up this subject out of the blue and tell them everything I just told you. You should especially quiz them on some of the recommendations on the rape prevention list. I don't give a shit if they look at you funny for it, especially if you believe them to truly be your friends. Addressing and preventing rape requires the audacity of reason, with an emphasis on "audacity." And if you encounter a man who consistently refuses to accept some of the arguments outlined in this diary, you should be watching him closely from now on.

Also for the record, this entry is talking about cis women. I suspect the incidence of rape committed against trans women is far higher but the stats are even harder to collect/estimate correctly.

Hey Bigotry!

Tomorrow we can drive around this town and let the cops chase us around, the past is gone but something might be found take its place....

Dallas Police Gave 38 Improper No-English Tickets | NBC Dallas-Fort Worth

Police officers have improperly cited Dallas drivers for not being able to speak English 38 times in the past three years, Chief David Kunkle said Friday.

The discovery came after a woman was pulled over earlier this month for making an illegal U-turn and was given a ticket for being a "non-English speaking driver."

Kunkle said his department's computer system for citations has a pull-down menu that includes a law requiring drivers of commercial vehicles to speak English.

The chief said it was a federal law that was misapplied to local drivers of private vehicles.

Sadly, I am not the least bit surprised other than that I would have expected this from Farmer's Branch or Irving first but yanno, whatever. We brown people are all the same anywhere you go right?  I'm tempted to pretend I only speak French the next time I get pulled over.  Wonder how they'd react to that?

Gratuitous Cleavage Shot

Inspired by Essin Em's Nearly Naked Thursday post. Why the hell not? Boobies are awesome and sometimes it's nice to post something that is not angry or sad.

Although while we're talking about issues...

Remember this month is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Save those boobies, boys n' girls!

Do I really need to keep saying this?

No More Money - Take Action

Tell your Senators: Stop funding for abstinence-only-until-marriage programs! Only support funding for comprehensive sex education!

The Senate Finance Committee recently approved two amendments to the health care reform bill-one creating a comprehensive sex education program for the states and the other extending the failed Title V abstinence-only-until-marriage program. We need to ensure Congress only funds a comprehensive approach to sex education and does not fund ineffective abstinence-only-until-marriage programs that leave young people at risk.

And why should we reject Abstinence Only sexuality education? Here's a primer for why I and many others are against it: Reality Behind Programs.

You're right Mr. President...

It is a challenge to you. During your campaign, you used a phrase that is deeply significant to the Chican@ community: "Yes we can/Si se puede". We are hoping that you live up to that promise and many of us want you to succeed but there have been far too many times this year that it felt like you were letting more cynical minds steer you away from that promise. Here's to hoping the Nobel steers you back on course.

Because I think it would make me OM NOM NOMMABLE

Customized Cupcake Car

Put on your matching hat, slip under the muffin top of your Cupcake Car, and let the world figure itself out for awhile. Get (or give) the sheer, joyful chaos of a gift that is mind-blowing, triple-dog-dare, double-infinity forever cool. Make the kids or grandkids literally squeal with joy. Bring it to work and buzz the breakroom. Crash parades! Putter about the ‘hood. Ever had a crowd of kids chasing after you just for the crazy gleeful heck of it? (No worries, the top speed is a comfy-safe 7 mph.) What’s it made of? A 24-volt electric motor, a heavy-duty battery, sheet metal, wire, fabric, wood…and mad genius. Launched at Burning ManSM as a cooperative art car project, the Cupcake Car sprang from the fevered mind of Bay Area artist Lisa Pongrace and her less-rules-more-laughs posse of artists and techno geeks. Yours will be tricked out with your favorite topping, so start thinking flavors.

Seriously, this would be so much fun to drive around just for the sake of seeing people's expressions. And I would hand out cupcakes while I was at it and thereby put into motion my plans to DOMINATE THE EARTH! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Yes. That's my plan for world domination. Cupcakes. What? Like YOU don't like cupcakes?????

Because "Just Say NO!" is not an education

I have probably ranted enough on this blog about sex education and the need for accurate comprehensive info for EVERYONE including kids but unfortunately not everyone is as enlightened as you folks. This month is the Sex Ed Month of Action (It is also still Latin@ Heritage month because we Latin@s are damned sexy!)and there's an online petition out there for people to "sign". In light of the fact that the Senate Finance Committee has voted to re-fund abstinence only programs, it might be a good idea for you to let them know you think that's a really, really bad idea.
SIECUS - Sex Ed Month of Action

Throughout October 2009, young people and their allies are engaging in advocacy efforts in communities across the country to raise awareness for the need for REAL sex education. The Sex Ed Month of Action will engage young people and their allies across the United States in showing their support for comprehensive sex education.

It’s time to get REAL! Young people need access to comprehensive sex education programs that provide them with the information and skills they need to make responsible and informed decisions so they can lead healthy lives.

SIECUS has teamed up with our colleagues to put an end to federal funding for ineffective abstinence-only-until-marriage programs and support the right of young people to receive age-appropriate and medically accurate comprehensive sex education.

Now is the time to act! Please join Advocates for Youth, Choice USA, Law Students for Reproductive Justice, NARAL Pro-Choice America, Planned Parenthood Federation of America, SIECUS, Sierra Club, and Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice to support the work of young people and their allies from a diverse range of social movements in advocating for comprehensive sex education.

As part of our collective advocacy, we will be sending a petition to leaders of Congress urging them to support the Responsible Education About Life (REAL) Act, to create the first dedicated federal funding stream for comprehensive sex education that meets the needs of all young people. Our goal is to collect 10,000 signatures by the end of the month!

Get Involved Now!


* Click here to sign the petition online!
* Click here for more information on the REAL Act.
* Click here for information on the need for comprehensive sex education.