Life is short, boo, get to livin' or get to steppin'.

Wow, I haven't posted since September of 2010. That's wild! I'm sure lots of people think that the Postmodern Sexgeek is done. Over. Finished. Finita la commedia and all that rot.

Yeah, not so fast. I'll admit I've gotten out of the habit of blogging. Life being what it is, I threw myself into the melee after the dissolution of my marriage and have been stumbling around trying to figure out this thing called life on my own. I've been somewhat successful in some areas and not so successful in others but as always, I continue to learn and I continue to change and grow. The day that stops happening, you might as well call Dr. Kevorkian because I've obviously given up on life.

I'm still doing the HIV prevention gig though I suspect I am not long for that world. The economy has not exactly been kind to public health endeavors and if I don't jump ship soon, it might just sink with me on it and no one likes that. I have no idea what I'll do next though. I'm seriously considering going back to school to earn my Masters degree in Applied Anthropology but that really depends a lot on funding and right now, baby, funding is something I do not haz.

I've started dating again and um...yeah. That's an occasionally unpleasant experience though there have been a few bright spots. There's also been some unintentional comedy but I'll have to address that some other time because it really is it's own separate blog.

Also on the list for a whole separate post are my ruminations on nonmonogamous/open/polyamorous relationships and dating. For now let's just say that "it's complicated" in both lovely and frustrating ways. The person I ended up dating in that fashion is wonderful in many ways but is also occasionally infuriating and too cocky for his own good (or for his age).

And yes, gentle reader, yours truly has discovered that she appears to have become, completely unintentionally, that urban legend known as a cougar. I didn't exactly set out to do so but I am finding that men my age are not terribly interested in me. Now before you roll your eyes at me, let me just say that I am down for dating men my age. The maturity gap to be found between a woman in her 40s and anyone in their 20s is pretty significant and occasionally make one want to tear out her hair. I suppose that's another blog post, innit?

Perhaps one of the things I am proudest of right now is my return to martial arts. In February I began training in Krav Maga, which is an Israeli style. It is brutal, no nonsense and effective and I currently feel far more able to defend myself than I did before I began not to mention the fact that I've managed to lose some weight while doing it. I also gained an incredibly awesome sparring partner who for now shall simply be called the Sparring Partner of Doom, or SPoD for short. She's much more protective of her online ID than I am so I will not be naming her but I will say this. She's very cool and exceedingly hot. Sorry sports fans, she's also taken so no, you cannot meet her.

I've been kicking around the idea of starting the podcast up again though I have no clue what to talk about or if anyone would even care. Then again, I think I said that when I first started it and it seemed to do ok so...who knows.

So yes, folks, I am still out here. I am still alive and I am still striving to refine this creation that is me. What the future holds in store for me, I do not know but I suspect it won't be boring.  I wonder which of you might be coming on the journey with me. ;-)

I must absolutely add that the title of this post was originally stated by my dear friend, Russ Matthews. Not only is he good at pithy commentary on my personal life, he is also a struggling photographer in the Kansas City area. Check out his site and pass it on.

Mature, full bodied and complex

And the rest of you.

I was just telling a friend how I have been fighting with my own insecurities lately around my self esteem, my appearance, my age. Lo and behold one of my favorite Twitterers/bloggers/activists/cool dudes, Nezua of The Unapologetic Mexican, posted this:



it's time to call it a tumblr day when... - imaginando

its part of that ageist thing in (at least US culture). we have unspoken fears that all we are worth is our tight skin and firm shapes. rarely is it reinforced that living years gives you an arc to better compare changes and events in life; compare people, seeing more people and hearing more stories gives you a wider context of information to tally and thus KNOW things and understand them; having had more relationships has taught you more about yourself as well as people as well as relationships; that watching your body wear out inevitably forces you to shift focus onto Essence (knowledge, creative spirit, love power, maturity), not Symbol (tight abs, tight skin, perkiness); that more time spent on Earth generally means more patience or a clearer focus, you’ve had time to test out many distractions and now are on your way to learning how to see past your own defenses and have shed more misconceptions (or at least had the time to work at it), and so now can learn from those older than yourself, as well as learn from the young while at the same time put up with their condescension, as they too, been often been raised in an ageist culture, themselves. In other words, you will get the chance to face that cocky, stupid, shallow punk you may have once been!

It’s worse when the aging defer to the early part of the circle; deny age, are shamed of age, try to be younger than they are….this sends a message to the young(er) that we ought fear age, we ought think little of it, that all that matters is the beginning of the arc and that is a dangerous and wrong thing to teach.

I am proud of my years. I am so much more than I was 20 years ago. And more than I was ten years ago. And now, am released from fearing age quite as much as I did, because I know it means more wisdom and less ignorance. If I want it to, that is. Because it also requires work.

I find the ageism thing is particularly hard on women. We really are encouraged to maintain a youthful appearance as long as possible and there are companies all over the world making megabucks on just that bullshit. It's hard to buck that social programming, I know I fail at it quite often.

It's especially hard now that I find myself single again at 38. I'm no longer a cute twenty something with tight skin and perky tits. I don't begrudge young women those things because, yanno, I was there once too and it was fun but I do realize that I need to not mourn what I've lost because in so many ways, I've gained. Yes, at 18 I had a hot body and nice skin but guess what? I was also ridiculously insecure and inhibited. Nowdays, things aren't so lovely on this face and body but my mind is a much sexier playground than it used to be.

I guess the trick is to stop worrying about the people who think I'm less desirable/interesting/fun beause of my age and spend my time around those who love me and my laugh lines.