Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts

Friday, January 22, 2010

Trust Women: Blog for Choice 2010



Trust women. Two simple words and yet there is a world of meaning in them. What exactly does it mean? I suspect that everyone will have a different idea. When I see that phrase one of the first things I think about is how we women are often raised to mistrust each other. Some of us taught that every woman is competition for scarce resources, usually men, and therefore we should never place our trust in each other. I was lucky in that I didn't learn this lesson growing up. Instead I learned that women were the ones I could trust to be there for me, nurture me, love me. Trust women.

Narrowing my scope a bit, the phrase has another meaning as well. A meaning that is part of what today is all about. Choice. Trusting women to make choices about our bodies, our health, our lives. Our right to have self determination, agency. Our right to decide for ourselves what to do not only with our reproduction but our entire bodies. Choice does not just mean that I get to choose whether to continue a pregnancy. It means that I also have the right to choose whether I get pregnant at all. It means that I can choose what sorts of medical procedures will be done to my body and why. It means that I get to choose what my body looks like and how I want to make it look that way, regardless of whether others approve or disapprove. It means I choose who has access to my body or that I can choose to allow no one access to it. Bodily determination is not something we should have to limit to our genitals or reproductive organs.

Trust women. Let's not forget the importance of defining the word "women". Too often those of us who lay claim to the title feminist or womanist forget that not every woman is like us. Not every woman is cisexual, cisgender, heterosexual, lesbian, white, brown, black, middle class, wealthy, poor, degreed, living in the US. Not every woman has access to the internet, to safe living conditions, to health care. When we say trust women we must mean it in our soul. Every woman, no matter how different she is from us, must matter and must be trusted. If we, the "pro-woman" individuals, cannot say this and mean it down to our souls, if we cannot encompass the variety and richness of what being a woman is, then how can we expect anyone else to? How can we claim to fight for women's right to choose when we do not include every woman in that very word? It's simple. We cannot. We must fight through the various intersections of privilege we all have to see to it that when we say things like "trust women" or "right to choose" that none of our sisters is excluded, ignored, abandoned, neglected. If we can lift up and support the most marginalized of our hermanas then our ability to lift up the most privileged of them will follow as well. This should be our ultimate goal

Trust women. It is possible. It is necessary. And we must begin to make it truth.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

In memory of Neda Salehi

As much as I hate to admit it, I have become, like a large portion of the US, inured to violence and pictures/videos of violence posted on the news or online. As a result, when I saw the video of Neda's shooting and death at an Iranian protest she attended with her father on HuffPo, I clicked it knowing it would be terribly sad but not thinking twice about how it would make me feel. You can imagine my surprise when I found myself having to fight back sobs while I watched the young woman's life bleed from her mouth and watched the life leave her eyes. Yes, the video is that graphic and perhaps that is why it's affect on me was so strong. Now I have watched people die before. I've sat at the bedside of dying people and held their hands as they breathed their last but for some reason this struck me heavily. I don't know if it emotion left over from old grieving left unfinished, if it was because she was a woman and hence it seemed more personal or if it was simply the violence perpetrated against her by the Basij but suffice it to say, it got my attention.



I don't pretend to understand everything about Iran and it's politics. What I do know is that the violence against the people being that we see being tweeted/blogged/video'd is wrong and a violation of basic human rights. While I have no illusions about my ability to effect a change there I do know, thanks to years of work with Amnesty International, is that governments don't like it when their injustices are seen and marked by the world and making sure that Iran and Ahmadinejad know we are watching is important.

Neda paid for her convictions with her life. We are hardly being called upon to sacrifice anything so valuable.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Stay At Home Dads: Why is this sooooo surprising?

This morning on The Today Show they had a story about stay at home dads. With all the job losses these days, a lot of men have ended up spending a great deal of time at home while their wives continue to work or even go out and find new jobs after some time spent as stay at home moms/wives. Now personally, I've always loved the idea of having a stay at home husband. I'm not terribly fond of homey type work and while I love having a comfy, cozy house I am usually pretty bad about maintaining one. Having someone who around who is happy to do that work would be a lovely thing and I have no problem being the breadwinner. Alas, my career makes this highly unrealistic since I chose to be a do-gooder rather than a money maker but nevermind. That's not what this is about.

The tone of the story was almost congratulatory. As if saying "OMG! THESE MEN ARE SO AMAZING! LOOK AT THEM DOING THE EXACT SAME THING THEIR WIVES HAVE DONE FOR THE PAST 10 YEARS! THEY DESERVE COOKIES!"

...

Yeah, not so much. It bothers me that our society still holds these gender role stereotypes so closely that the second someone steps outside of those roles it looks like some kind of iconoclastic revolution. Why shouldn't men be allowed to stay home and tend the hearth if they feel like it? Why shouldn't men be allowed to spend lots of time caring for and nurturing their children? And why shouldn't women be allowed to go out and make the money if that's what they prefer to do? Why do we insist on maintaining these roles to the detriment of everyone involved?

I think this story stood out because lately I've seen several posts about women's roles regarding marriage and motherhood and it annoys me that after all this time we still insist on holding women to old standards of success, i.e., being a wife and mother is the most important thing a woman can do with her life and everything else is frivolous. And before anyone tries to turn this into "Marie hates children and Moms" let's clarify things. I have much respect for Moms and I do actually like kids. I have a mom and I was once a kid so yeah, I'm not hating here. However, I do not buy the party line that I am a failure as a female human being because I have not reproduced and that my 14+ years of experience as an STD/HIV prevention worker mean nothing because I have no kids. If you want to start a fight about it, move along. What I am saying is that while we as a country continue to harp about women's rights in other countries, we better not forget that we aren't exactly past the sexism that started the American feminist movement in the first place. When the time comes that a man staying home and caring for the household and children is no longer worthy of a news story THEN we can stop looking in the mirror and focus ALL our attention elsewhere. Until then? People in glass houses and such...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Mature, full bodied and complex

And the rest of you.

I was just telling a friend how I have been fighting with my own insecurities lately around my self esteem, my appearance, my age. Lo and behold one of my favorite Twitterers/bloggers/activists/cool dudes, Nezua of The Unapologetic Mexican, posted this:



it's time to call it a tumblr day when... - imaginando
its part of that ageist thing in (at least US culture). we have unspoken fears that all we are worth is our tight skin and firm shapes. rarely is it reinforced that living years gives you an arc to better compare changes and events in life; compare people, seeing more people and hearing more stories gives you a wider context of information to tally and thus KNOW things and understand them; having had more relationships has taught you more about yourself as well as people as well as relationships; that watching your body wear out inevitably forces you to shift focus onto Essence (knowledge, creative spirit, love power, maturity), not Symbol (tight abs, tight skin, perkiness); that more time spent on Earth generally means more patience or a clearer focus, you’ve had time to test out many distractions and now are on your way to learning how to see past your own defenses and have shed more misconceptions (or at least had the time to work at it), and so now can learn from those older than yourself, as well as learn from the young while at the same time put up with their condescension, as they too, been often been raised in an ageist culture, themselves. In other words, you will get the chance to face that cocky, stupid, shallow punk you may have once been!

It’s worse when the aging defer to the early part of the circle; deny age, are shamed of age, try to be younger than they are….this sends a message to the young(er) that we ought fear age, we ought think little of it, that all that matters is the beginning of the arc and that is a dangerous and wrong thing to teach.

I am proud of my years. I am so much more than I was 20 years ago. And more than I was ten years ago. And now, am released from fearing age quite as much as I did, because I know it means more wisdom and less ignorance. If I want it to, that is. Because it also requires work.
I find the ageism thing is particularly hard on women. We really are encouraged to maintain a youthful appearance as long as possible and there are companies all over the world making megabucks on just that bullshit. It's hard to buck that social programming, I know I fail at it quite often.

It's especially hard now that I find myself single again at 38. I'm no longer a cute twenty something with tight skin and perky tits. I don't begrudge young women those things because, yanno, I was there once too and it was fun but I do realize that I need to not mourn what I've lost because in so many ways, I've gained. Yes, at 18 I had a hot body and nice skin but guess what? I was also ridiculously insecure and inhibited. Nowdays, things aren't so lovely on this face and body but my mind is a much sexier playground than it used to be.

I guess the trick is to stop worrying about the people who think I'm less desirable/interesting/fun beause of my age and spend my time around those who love me and my laugh lines.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Ada Lovelace Day was yesterday...

Did you all know about this? I sure as hell didn't and that makes me ask myself..."WHY THE HELL DID I NOT KNOW???"

Ada Lovelace Day — Bringing women in technology to the fore
Ada Lovelace Day is an international day of blogging to draw attention to women excelling in technology.

Women’s contributions often go unacknowledged, their innovations seldom mentioned, their faces rarely recognised. We want you to tell the world about these unsung heroines. Entrepreneurs, innovators, sysadmins, programmers, designers, games developers, hardware experts, tech journalists, tech consultants. The list of tech-related careers is endless.

Recent research by psychologist Penelope Lockwood discovered that women need to see female role models more than men need to see male ones. That’s a relatively simple problem to begin to address. If women need female role models, let’s come together to highlight the women in technology that we look up to. Let’s create new role models and make sure that whenever the question “Who are the leading women in tech?” is asked, that we all have a list of candidates on the tips of our tongues.



Don't know who Ada Lovelace is? For shame!!!!

Ada Lovelace - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Augusta Ada King, Countess of Lovelace (10 December 1815, London – 27 November 1852, Marylebone, London), born Augusta Ada Byron, was the only legitimate child of George Gordon Byron, 6th Baron Byron. She is widely known in modern times simply as Ada Lovelace.

She is mainly known for having written a description of Charles Babbage's early mechanical general-purpose computer, the analytical engine. She is today appreciated as the "first programmer" since she was writing programs—that is, manipulating symbols according to rules—for a machine that Babbage had not yet built. She also foresaw the capability of computers to go beyond mere calculating or number-crunching while others, including Babbage himself, focused only on these capabilities.[1]


So yeah, the first computer programmer was a chick. LONG LIVE THE OVARIES!


I raise a glass in honor of all the awesome, tech geeky chicks I know. Every single one of you is made of win and awesome.

Monday, December 08, 2008

Remember this day

International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers - Home
December 17th is International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. This event was created to call attention to hate crimes committed against sex workers all over the globe. Originally thought of by Dr. Annie Sprinkle and started by the Sex Workers Outreach Project USA as a memorial and vigil for the victims of the Green River Killer in Seattle Washington. International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers has empowered workers from over cities around the world to come together and organize against discrimination and remember victims of violence. During the week of December 17th, sex worker rights organizations will be staging actions and vigils to raise awareness about violence that is commonly committed against sex workers. The assault, battery, rape and murder of sex workers must end. Existing laws prevent sex workers from reporting violence. The stigma and discrimination that is perpetuated by the prohibitionist laws has made violence against us acceptable. Please join with sex workers around the world and stand against criminalization and violence committed against prostitutes.
Technorati Tags: , , ,

Sunday, December 07, 2008

The Postmodern Geek's Guide to Sex #345 Return of the Brain Dump!

For direct download of the show CLICK HERE!

Today's show is even more randomness from yours truly. Today I discuss:



And here is the infamous fat belly video, Leeds United. I don't know about you but I think Amanda looks pretty goddamned hot just as she is!




Wanna talk to me outside of this podcast?

Email: postmodern.sexgeek@gmail.com
Twitter: http://twitter.com/PMSexgeek
My Space: http://www.myspace.com/postmodernsexgeek
RSS Feed URL: http://marieb.libsyn.com/rss